But I don't think you'd like that very much. And that would be wholly too selfish of me to dump all that on you at once. So I guess I should take it step by step... or I would if I had all the time in the world.
But I don't. Plus, it doesn't seem like we're in the same situation anymore. Distance, barely any chances for communication, whatever. I'm growing apart from all of ya'll, and I hate myself for it, but it was inevitable.
Moving away from someplace is pretty much like dying, in two senses. One, you cease to exist in your old world; and though everyone may grieve for a while, they will eventually get over it. Two, you feel a part of you die on the inside. I don't know if I'm making sense, but all I know is I'm so lonely for someone. Not a specfic someone, but I jus... want to have someone there for me sometimes.
Maybe it's that feeling of security you get from having a significant other that I'm longing for. Or maybe it's being made to feel like you're loved. Seriously loved, like past the line of "normal" friends. More like sisterly/brotherly/love-lovey love.
I don't know... my brain's a foggy mess. It's clogged up with random crap... but it's making remembering a lot easier for me, for some odd reason.
Remember when you were about to go to (someplace) and you told me you had something really important to tell me? It took you like... three days to get it out. And when you finally said it, my heart skipped a beat.
Too bad it was online.
Too bad everything for me happens online. Starts and stops. Beginnings and endings.
I'm so friggishly kufed up...
...
If love was the ocean and you were afraid of the water...
Would you stand at the very edge and let the water seep in jus between your toes?
Or would you jump right in and forget all your fears?